Belligerent Again

So I think I might have a problem. Not with alcohol, with anger. Of course the drinking doesn't help, but you know, whatever. Last night we all went to Sandy's again and it progressed rapidly to the point where yes, I was ready to fight a bitch, just like last week. I'm not sure what my deal is, because usually I am not an angry drunk, it's just that when I get provoked, I am ready to fight that much faster than usual. Some girl was bitching about me when I left the table, saying she was tired of competing with me for the attention of a couple of our friends. My bad, I didn't know we were competing, I thought everyone was just drinking and having fun. But she tried to come talk to me about it later and I was dropping f-bombs like crazy because that's just how I am, especially when I'm drinking, it wasn't anything specifically aimed at her, I just swear a lot. She was like, "we have a problem, blah blah blah" and I was like, "Well, 3 different people told me you said this...." And she denied so I did call her a fucking liar. That I will own up to. But then she got all upset after a few minutes and walked away from the table and I guess she was upset for like, half an hour. I can't stand liars. At least own up to shit that you say and do, otherwise people won't ever trust you. That's also part of my problem - the censor is disabled when I am drinking and I will say exactly what I am thinking at that moment, especially if I am pissed off, as was the case last night. Oh well, what can you do, some people just can't handle the truth.

After we left Sandy's we went to Jimmy John's again like last weekend, and more arguing ensued, maybe not arguing so much as yelling and me storming off across the street to the gyro place. Apparently I just walked right out into traffic and Teetz and Jake thought I was going to get hit by a car. Drake followed me at least, but that's another problem I have sometimes - thinking I am invincible. It's impaired judgment, I know, but sometimes, especially when I am that pissed off, I feel like nothing can touch me and nothing can hurt me, and that kind of scares me. When Drake and I went back to JJs, there was a guy being taken away on a stretcher and he had a neckbrace on. That freaked me out too, because I don't ever want to get to that point. The scariest part was, once they put him in the ambulance, they didn't even turn on the sirens. I don't know what that means, but I don't ever want to be at the point where they're taking me away like that.

The night wasn't a bust at all, by any means. There are parts of it I wish I could change - except for when Teetz totally kissed me right on the lips in Jimmy John's, I wouldn't trade that for the world ;) - but we had a lot of fun, we drank a lot and we hung out. I think it's probably a good thing Teetz is going to be gone next weekend though, because it will give me a break (except he won't get one because he's going to be with his family and I know his siblings are going to take him to the bars. I just hope he comes back in one piece.

Days til Gavin and Howie: 13!!!